I came into public speaking purely by accident when a friend asked me to address a Probus Club meeting on the escalating problems in Zimbabwe. Probus are an association of former professional and business people and they have branches all over the United Kingdom. That initial talk of mine must have gone well as I was suddenly inundated with requests to speak on Zim to other branches. Although I enjoyed it, I soon became bored with the one subject so decided to diversify. I hired a village hall, provided cheese and wine and spoke to a surprisingly large audience on the subject of elephants. As a result of that evening, I was able to hand £250 over to Sharon Pincott who was then studying the Presidential Herd of elephants in Hwange. Since then, I have spoken to a variety of audiences on a variety of subjects and only wish I had discovered this talent of mine earlier in life. It is not particularly lucrative so far - I charge anything from £30 to £60 for an hour of entertainment - but I would like to join an after-dinner speaking circuit where I might be able to make some money for once in my life. My favourite subjects for talks are as follows:-

1. Elephants

 

   I give this talk in a variety of formats. With Probus groups, I usually woffle away for an hour with the aid of a few diagrams and some teeth, but - depending on my audience and the time available - I occasionally use slides as well. Elephants are in trouble, particularly in Zimbabwe where they are being harried and persecuted from all sides. As always, the rest of the world wring collective hands and do nothing. Again it depends on my audience, but my talks on the subject are often hard-hitting and can be disturbing, but they are designed to make people think about what we as human beings are doing to a noble animal. On the other hand, I have given many a talk with slides and personal stories of my time in the bush among wild elephants. These lighter talks go down particularly well when there are young people in the audience and I have raised quite a bit of money for elephant welfare since that initial hiring of Oakridge Village Hall.

2. Zimbabwe

 

With the ever more disastrous situation in Zim, this is a talk that changes every time. I deal with the country itself and then delve into its history, going right back to the San people and the subsequent arrival of the Bantu from somewhere up in north West Africa. Robert Mugabe claims that the white pioneers ruthlessly stole land from his ancestors, but in my talk I debunk this by quoting directly from the writings of Selous and other noted authors of the time. Cecil Rhodes and his merry men actually took over a land, already ravaged by previous invasions and they did a pretty good job. I deal with colonial times and the injustices perpetrated in those days but the part of the talk that has to be handled anew on every occasion is the section wherein I deal with the situation today. What a mess our lovely country has become. This talk makes me sad although audiences seem to enjoy it.

3. The Building of Kariba Dam

This is another talk that just 'happened.' On the first occasion that I gave it, I was approached beforehand by a former irrigation engineer who told me that he was so looking forward to learning about a wonderful feat of engineering. I had to admit that I know nothing of the intricacies of dam building, but would talk about some of the problems faced and personalities involved. As a Kariba boy and author of the very first guide book to the place, I felt uniquely qualified to talk about those days when the modern world really descended upon a piece of very wild Africa. Despite my lack of engineering knowledge, this talk is invariably enthusiastically received. For the record, that former Irrigation Engineer approached me after the talk and shook my hand.

4. Aren't Our Policemen Wonderful?

As a former copper (that's ,me to the right believe it or not!) in both the UK and Rhodesia/Zimbabwe, I find it sad to see how respect for the police - certainly in England - has dwindled over the years. My talk deals with my own early years on the beat in Gloucestershire and the changes that have occurred since. I lash out at accelerated promotion, quotas for recruitment and promotion as well as the targets and restrictions that are imposed on police officers nowadays. This talk is usually well received by policemen and former policemen but I have to admit that on one occasion, a member of my audience stood up, called me a 'fascist' and walked out. That wasn't easy to deal with, but others came up to compliment me afterward so it couldn't have been all bad.

5. Chikwenya - Place of Scratching

 To be honest, I haven't given this talk yet, but I am quite excited about it. Chikwenya is one of the smallest, wildest and most luxurious - in a simple sort of way - safari camps along the Lower Zambezi. I have been privileged to have spent many months there, most of them on my own and in the process, I have walked every square metre of its 32 hectare area. I lived in a tree house and enjoyed close encounters with elephant, lion, buffalo, hippopotamus and a host of other wild creatures.

On one occasion, I found a hyena standing beside me as I looked out across the Zambezi and later discovered that the so and so had eaten my hat. On another, we had tourists in camp and three large lionesses broke in on supper - twice. Oh yes, I have a pile of slides on Chikwenya and more stories than I can think of for the moment. I think this one will be a winner.

Believe it or not, that is the office block on the right - not a bad spot to work in!

 

 

I am always happy to address audiences on any subject so if anyone reading this knows of an organisation or club who need a speaker for any occasion, I am very available.